Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
