Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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