there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
