just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
