Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
