My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
