Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
