This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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