I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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