Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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