non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
