I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm too high and old for this...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
