I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
