he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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