I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
