I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I forget how to act sober
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