guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
