I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
