i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
