This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
