we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
