you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize