Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize