Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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