Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
