im about as happy as oj after his trial
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
