if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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