i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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