No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
