Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
