Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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