my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
