i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
