Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize