I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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