Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
