I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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