Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We had sex on a dog bed..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
