I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize