I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize