I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize