just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
