I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't deserve a penis
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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