Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
