he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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