so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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