how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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