I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
