he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I wear drunk well.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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