I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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