at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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