At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
