Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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