i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
