hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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