"it" just moved
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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