walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
