Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
