I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
a search helicopter?!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
