I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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