we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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