We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
