he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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