I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
