I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
