And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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