im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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