He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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