My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
