Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish I only lived at night.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
