So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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