i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize