Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
