BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
