you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
All I want is dick and wine.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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