Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
