my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
