i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
