I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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